God just wants to show off!
*To hear the audio, a longer version of this written devotion, CLICK HERE
Early yesterday morning, I was in my bedroom and just broke down crying. Like, sudden frog in the throat and salty tears all over the face, bawling. I think it was a delayed reaction to something that happened over the weekend.
And no, I am not talking about my son Kedar’s struggling football team losing, again. And also, no, I did not cry about my Buffalo Bills football team losing to our division rivals, the New England Patriots, as we continue to struggle this season.
Though it was indeed a horrible sports weekend for this huge football fan right here, my tears were totally unrelated to any of that. Actually, I was crying happy, joyful, delayed-reaction tears.
You see, this past weekend, I spoke at my very first in-person event in four years since sustaining brain trauma in my near-fatal, prescription drug-related, freak accident. And I don’t think I had been able to process the moment and how big that was for me, until it just hit me out of the blue Monday morning. Without warning, I had this huge emotional release and was a puddle of tears!
Speaking to people without feeling afraid was surreal. Even though I did notice that I was a bit more animated and turned up than I used to be, and what I say now is a little more unpredictable, the experience was still wonderfully enriching for all. Glory to God! Of course, it helped a lot that the people I spoke to were so warm, kind, attentive, and receptive to what I had to say. I felt more alive this past weekend than I have in four years.
If I had been the least bit unsure about whether it was really time for me to get back out there and fully embrace my purpose, after it was over, there was no uncertainty left. I know that it’s time.
Before the event, as I was getting ready to go, I kept breaking out in sweats and feeling nervous and overwhelmed.
“Stop and breathe,” my husband Kenya reminded me. He can tell when I’m getting too worked up and frantic and forgetting to use the relaxation tools my therapist has taught me. After I paused and slowly inhaled then exhaled four times in a row, I felt better and calmer. I was determined not to let anything stop me from being obedient to the call of God.
After I sustained a traumatic brain injury—TBI for short—caused by a ministroke and almost thirty seizures spanning a hellish four-day period in the ICU—the ordeal really jacked up my brain. So, it seemed like I would not recover enough to get back to doing certain things. My medical team did not have high hopes, that’s for sure!
My cognitive function, language centers, and emotional regulation were negatively impacted. I had never felt so off-kilter, been so emotionally unstable, experienced such dramatic mood swings, or tried so hard and failed repeatedly to exercise any kind of impulse control. I was a wreck and felt like a total headcase! In the early days, I was in no condition or position to pour into anyone.
When I got home from the hospital and struggled to find the right words to say, to read and write, and to comprehend what others were saying to me, I discovered something. The Global Aphasia— a frustrating brain disease that disrupts four language centers, speaking, reading, writing, and comprehension—was going to be much harder to deal with than I imagined it would be.
Why me, Lord? I wondered. Why have You allowed this to happen? I was confused and devastated because my diagnosis ruined all the skills that I need to function in the ministry God has called me to. How could that in any way benefit the Kingdom of God? I didn’t get it at all.
“In your greatest times of testing and affliction, God is setting you up for the greatest displays of His power and deliverance!”
Have you ever been attacked in an area that deeply affects your quality of life and hinders you from thriving? Have you lost something or someone you needed to function optimally and feel whole? If you have, then you have some sort of idea what I have been feeling since 2019.
Though I was incredibly grateful (and still am!) that God spared my life, I wondered, God what did You spare me for? Meaning, what do You want me to do, since I can’t really do any of the stuff I did before? I felt like I was existing, but I wasn’t living. I was alive, but my passions were dead. I was breathing while simultaneously feeling suffocated by my lingering issues. What should have been a happy and exciting time in my life after overcoming what nearly took me out turned into a discouraging, sad, depressing, baffling season.
I asked, Now what, God?
Days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into months. Months turned into years. And clarity did not come right away. The devil took the occasion to beat me up and tell convincing lies like, “You will never minister again.” “You are worthless and useless.” “You are too messed up to be used by God.” “Your life is over.” “Your best days have come and gone.” “You may as well stop hoping and praying for better.” “This is as good as it gets.”
Sadly, my circumstances seemed to agree with what the enemy said, so I had to make a choice to agree with what God said despite the way my circumstances looked. I had to trust the Lord through an extended dark season, when I didn’t know what He was doing and didn’t know who I was anymore.
But here’s the thing. Even when I no longer knew myself, God knew me. He said in Jeremiah 1:5, “Before I formed you in the belly I knew you; and before you came forth out of the womb I sanctified you, and I ordained you a prophet unto the nations.”
As I sat devastated, covered in the ashes of my ruined life, God promised to give me “beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness,” according to Isaiah 61:3. And He did. I am no longer mourning what I lost, but I’m rejoicing over what I’ve got left. I still have the promises God spoke over me. I still have the use and activity of my limbs. I still have the ability to share the gospel with the world. I still have faith in the word of God. I still have the anointing of the Holy Ghost resting upon me. I have power and so do you!
In Acts 1:8, before Jesus ascended to Heaven after His resurrection, He told the apostles, “But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you.” In the Greek, that word power is “Dunamis”—which we touched on right here on the blog last week. It signifies miraculous power, might and strength. It is the very equipping power of God activated in the life of the believer.
In the natural, you may feel too weak, incapable, and defeated. But the truth in God’s word says just the opposite. You are strong, capable, and victorious—through Christ.
In 2 Corinthians 12:9, the Apostle Paul, who prayed for God to deliver him from a debilitating affliction received this answer from the Lord. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.”
Two times in the above Bible verse, Dunamis, that Greek word for power, occurs. Now let’s read it and plug in the Greek. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my Dunamis—miraculous power, might and strength—is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s Dunamis— miraculous power, might and strength—may rest on me.”
All that time I spent crying over feeling weak and being afflicted, I should have been rejoicing that my affliction set me up to see a greater demonstration of God’s power in my life.
Hear me today. If you find yourself in a valley season wishing you were on the mountaintop, God sent me to challenge and change your perspective. He is allowing you to go through this so that He can show off His power and get the glory in your life. When you go through seasons of lack, He can show off His power as a provider. When you through seasons of sickness, He can show off His power as a healer. When you go through seasons of storm, He can show off His power to calm it. When you go through seasons of loss, He can show off His power to restore.
God just wants to show off in your life. Your problem is His platform to get the glory. So, don’t worry about how it looks, how you feel, or how long you’ve been going through this. Don’t let the devil convince you that your weakness sets you back, when the truth is just the opposite. Your weakness sets you up for God to demonstrate His power. He allows you to be vulnerable, so you know that only He is powerful, and He is to be glorified.
The revelation of God’s glory to and through the believer is described as a “treasure” in 2 Corinthians 4:7. That entire verse says, “But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellency of the power may be of God, and not of us.” And that word power in this passage, once again, is the Greek word, Dunamis.
I love the way the Contemporary English Version translation of this Bible verse states it. In fact, this is going to be the sweetener I’m stirring into your cup of inspiration, which says, “We are like clay jars in which this treasure is stored. The real power comes from God and not from us.”
As you drink down the contents of your cup, stop crying over your weaknesses and limitations, and rejoice over God’s strength and limitless power that is being showcased through your life.
Now, let’s pray.
God, thank You for reminding me that even when I feel weak and defeated, I am strong and victorious through You. Thank You for using me, even through my difficult and dark seasons, to show off Your miraculous power and be glorified through me. Because of Your power, there is nothing I can’t do—for I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
If you desire prayer, please allow me, along with my intercessory prayer team, to stand in faith with you for breakthrough. We would be so honored. We have seen God work over and over again. There is power in agreement. Click here to request prayer now.
As always, thanks for reading and until next time... may today's cup of inspiration uplift, encourage, and empower you!
